A series “Elevated Chat” of writings, articles, insights and musings from Dr. Michael G Millett
and the archives of Elevated Therapy International
Your Life Script
In everyday life we follow scripts written by other people just like actors do and unlike actors who move onto other new projects, we often follow these scripts precisely for the rest of our lives.
These scripts that we follow are born of other people`s positive and negative judgements from the past and very often from our childhoods and now take on the appearance of reality. Also, the Law of Attraction tells us that like attracts like, so those negative judgements draw more of the same into our reality and a snowball effect happens in our lives.
Scripts are very powerful things, for example the man who shouts out loud, “You are so stupid” when he makes a mistake is berating himself in the same way as his father used to rebuke him.
In reality, he is still acting out a script his father wrote for him 35 years ago.
Think back to a time when you remember experiencing something negative in childhood, replay the scene in your mind, recalling as much detail as you can.
Then move forward and replay later times when something similar happened.
Now, replay the same scenes in your mind, but this time give each of them a different ending. Notice how different you feel.
Probably feeling more self-worth and maybe changing the way you act in the future.
Now think back to a time you remember experiencing something positive in childhood, and focus on that and really indulge in all the good feelings you can get out of it.
You may find in a very short time, another remembered positive experience will come to mind, perhaps even more positive.
All this may help you to realise that you do have power in situations where you have always felt helpless.
Misguided Messages from Childhood
Think of negative messages and beliefs that made an impression on you in childhood and have a limiting or negative effect on you today.
“You are so sensitive”
“Don`t talk back”
“Do what you are told”
“Be more like a boy”
“Be a man”
“Children should be seen and not heard”
“Never get angry”
“Don`t keep complaining”
“Get out from under my feet”
“Never let other people know what you are thinking”
“People can`t be trusted”
Most people have heard these statements, but in some families of origin, these or similar are made all the time to children.
Have chidings or prescriptions like this been pushed into your psyche?
Children are taught control and to suppress their feelings of jealousy, envy, aggression and impulses.
They are told to control their emotions. Some control or rather management is needed of course, but too much discipline may produce emotional repression and suppression.
Guilt versus Shame
In my view – guilt is a fairly healthy emotion when you have been unethical and dishonest and carried out some bad behaviour. However, shame is not about doing something wrong, it`s much more personal as it`s about being someone you feel is wrong ! This is very damaging and very often people need to recognise that their feelings of shame were usually raised in childhood by other people.
If you don`t recognise this then every failure and disappointment you experience in your life may only serve as confirmation that you are not good enough, worthless, inadequate and ultimately a bad person. (see Michael’s other post – Letting Go of Guilt and Shame)
As children most of us are told “Don`t show anger”. “Anger is bad and you are bad for feeling anger”. This is true to a degree, some control is required – however we should express it healthily or we will end up suppressing it which is very damaging, and can lead to lots of difficult things for us emotionally and physically including being passive-aggressive or becoming a `doormat`.
So, it`s your choice to follow your scripts or not, express your feelings or not and be heard and seen or not.
At the end of the day you and only you are responsible for your own life and decisions.
Say No !
Take control of other people`s scripts that were given to you.
1) Make a list of all the beliefs, messages, rules and regulations from your parents and others given to you as a child which you don’t want anymore.
Write them as commands or an unspoken command or (limiting statement) as in the examples below.
The 4 examples: “Be quiet”, “Don`t be stupid”, “Don`t trust anyone”, “Life is harder for men / women”.
2) Stand in front of a mirror and look at the first message you have written down.
Then out loud shout a dismissal to it looking into the mirror. “No! I won`t be quiet”. Continue doing similar with the rest of them as appropriate.
3) Feels good ! – so now it`s time to mentally write your own Life Scripts…